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Ways to Further Ruin the National Basketball Association

 

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It's an original American game, and the NBA has a long tradition, but TV viewership has been declining for years. The Artest - fan brawl fiasco is just the latest incident. Let's finish the job.
Created On:Nov 27 2004  7:35 EST
List Volume:7,971 hits 138 votes
Voting Limit:5 times in a 24 Hour period
List Owner:eansin
Category:Sports::Basketball
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RatingVoteList ItemScoreYearlyLast Vote
More InfoVotesMonthlyListed
1.  Female 'water boys' on the sidelines in spandex & heels with plenty of cleavage12  -Jan 9 2008  5:59
spandex in team colors, sold in sports shops to local bimbos and team groupie wannabes12  -Nov 27 2004  9:42
2.  Name the teams after corporate sponsors - e.g. Houston Exxons, Boston Staples8  -Jan 21 2008 20:05
8  -Nov 27 2004  8:07
3.  Replace wood floors with asphalt so the players will feel more like showing off4  -Jan 21 2008 20:05
as if they don't show off enough right now as it is4  -Nov 30 2004 12:12
4.  Let them make grand entrances like the WWE - with team capes, chicks, handlers4  -Jan 6 2005 19:05
the cheesier the better4  -Nov 27 2004  7:56
5.  Change Lakers and Celtics names to Bloods and Crips - how's that for rivalry?3  -Jan 9 2008  5:59
3  -Dec 13 2004 17:44
6.  Players can wear jerseys of THEIR OWN NBA idols - confusing as hell, but fun3  -Jan 9 2008  6:00
but what a nice way to show some 'props' to a teammate, or idolized player growing up3  -Dec 7 2004 19:43
7.  Instead of 'The NBA on CBS', 'Yo check it, this be the N B to the A on CBS dog'3  -Nov 28 2005 14:22
3  -Dec 4 2004 18:03
8.  Make bench warmers wave pompoms, big 'we're #1' foam fingers, etc. like fans3  -Jan 21 2008 20:04
what the hell, they're not doing anything anyway; might as well earn their $500K salary3  -Dec 4 2004 17:58
9.  On disputed calls, show the video, let the crowd vote, Roman Coliseum style3  -Nov 28 2005 14:23
the home crowd's impartial just like the refs. right?3  -Nov 27 2004  9:58
10.  Instead of rings for title winners, create flashy medallions on heavy chains3  -Jan 6 2005 19:05
maybe with matching crowns and staffs, all in that cheesy 'gold nugget' style w/lots of rhinestones3  -Nov 27 2004  9:36
11.  TV color commentary by the home team mascot3  -Jan 21 2008 20:05
3  -Nov 27 2004  9:06
12.  Winners get to do the other team's cheerleaders3  -Jan 21 2008 20:05
3  -Nov 27 2004  8:57
13.  The team mascot is allowed out on the floor to dispute a call with the ref3  -Dec 19 2004 19:41
3  -Nov 27 2004  8:35
14.  Teams can add points at halftime in slamdunk, halfcourt shots, and other events3  -Jan 9 2008  6:00
the more irrelevant to the game, the better3  -Nov 27 2004  8:22
15.  Allow tacky bling bling on the court - huge medallions, rings, chains, Rolex3  -May 8 2005 23:30
a gold Rolex the size of a grandfather clock always impresses3  -Nov 27 2004  8:00
16.  To make it more ghettolike, play shirts vs. skins; home team decides which3  -Nov 28 2005 14:21
5  -Nov 27 2004  7:44
17.  Season ticket holders can bring paint ball guns to pelt home or opposing player2  -May 8 2005 23:27
for whatever reason suits them - hell, they paid big money for the seats; they're entitled2  -Dec 13 2004 17:24
18.  Change the league name from NBA to XBA2  -Jan 6 2005 19:06
2  -Dec 4 2004 18:11
19.  Trampy female 'mascots' along the benches, akin to late Miss Elizabeth of WWF2  -Jan 25 2005 10:06
they can holler demonstrably at the refs, console the players, etc.2  -Nov 27 2004  9:51
20.  Change 'team' to 'gang' in press coverage2  -Jan 25 2005 10:05
2  -Nov 27 2004  9:22
21.  No jump balls - let the players do 'stone, paper, scissors' instead2  -Dec 21 2004 18:04
if the home team loses, they can ask for 2 out of 32  -Nov 27 2004  9:16
22.  Courtside announcers and camera crew have to wear home team uniforms2  -Dec 19 2004 19:40
2  -Nov 27 2004  9:04
23.  Don't call traveling on a ''great'' play - they don't now anyway2  -Dec 10 2004 17:17
they play seemed great only because of the traveling violation, but who cares?2  -Nov 27 2004  8:53
24.  Losers have to pass through a gauntlet of thrown beer and other objects2  -Dec 21 2004 18:03
what the hell, they do now anyway2  -Nov 27 2004  8:40
25.  The coach can put a dunce cap on a player for a bonehead play2  -Dec 21 2004 18:03
wear it on the bench, or in the game, flopping around with a chin strap - hysterical!2  -Nov 27 2004  8:31
26.  Allow team dancing after a hoop like the NFL used to permit in the endzone2  -Dec 18 2004 10:40
the NFL had enough sense to curb that crap2  -Nov 27 2004  8:27
27.  Judges on sideline can add style points for flashy offense or defense plays2  -Jan 6 2005 19:06
hold up point cards like Olympic events used to do2  -Nov 27 2004  8:18
28.  No college players - use immature but talented high schoolers instead2  -May 8 2005 23:30
2  -Nov 27 2004  8:11
29.  Aggressive ghetto names like NY Drivebys, Chicago Gangbangers2  -Dec 17 2004 17:53
2  -Nov 27 2004  7:51
30.  Bring back the name Washington Bullets2  -Dec 18 2004 10:40
2  -Nov 27 2004  7:44
31.  Set up a penalty and penalty box system just like hockey has, no fouls2  -Dec 2 2004 16:23
fouls hots are boring and slow the game; let 'em brawl - fans love it in hockey2  -Nov 27 2004  7:39
32.  Send the pros to an international competition against real amateurs, and lose2  -May 8 2005 23:24
2  -Nov 27 2004  7:36
33.  No fouls in final two minutes - let 'em play, anything goes - fans will love it1  -Dec 17 2004 17:53
at two minute warning, refs take their seats after frisking players for weapons1  -Dec 13 2004 18:04
34.  Add 4-point lines, 5-point lines, etc. to encourage selfish players to ballhog1  -Dec 14 2004 18:49
1  -Dec 13 2004 18:02
35.  Use huge WWE type goons w/ stage names as refs to add some excitement to calls1  -Jan 17 2005  3:26
The Foul Exterminator, The Lane Dominator, The Scoreboard Assassin, The Backboard Marvel, etc,1  -Dec 13 2004 18:00
36.  NBA video game Stars vs Fans - score points by throwing beer, chairs, punches1  -Dec 14 2004 18:50
game has no basketball in it at all, unless you count one thrown to the face1  -Dec 13 2004 17:40
37.  Back of all jerseys have bullseye target to help fans aim beer cups, etc.1  -Dec 17 2004 17:53
also the coaching staff, referees - might as well include announcers, camera crew, everyone1  -Dec 13 2004 17:27
38.  All player salaries based solely on personal stats, heavily weighted to PPG1  -Dec 13 2004  8:23
to make selfish ballhogging even more prevalent1  -Dec 13 2004  8:23
39.  New postseason trophy - Best Personal Highlight Film to encourage hotdogging1  -Dec 18 2004 10:41
that will further encourage personal play at the expense of team victories1  -Dec 13 2004  8:19
40.  White players allowed in at garbage time have to wear huge 70's Afro wigs1  -Dec 10 2004 17:17
or those rainbow colored clown type Afro wigs1  -Dec 7 2004 19:49
41.  Require helmets like sparring partners in boxing wear, in team colors1  -Dec 13 2004  8:16
now there's a ghetto fashion trend in the making, might replace dewrags in winter (warmer)1  -Dec 7 2004 19:38
42.  Wear biker or 'Road Warrior' type outfits - shoulder pads with spikes, etc.1  -Dec 10 2004 17:17
those WW I German helmets with the spike on top would be cool, good for driving the lane too1  -Dec 7 2004 19:34
43.  To curb violence, ALL players must carry weapons on court- brass knuckles, etc1  -Dec 13 2004  8:16
create an uneasy standoff, like nuclear deterrence did1  -Dec 7 2004 19:26
44.  Post the current point spreads during games on arena scoreboards1  -Dec 7 2004 19:19
Dow Jones ticker tape style to encourage betting1  -Dec 5 2004 16:51
45.  Instead of first jump ball, try racing to ball at half court like XFL did1  -Dec 8 2004 19:57
hey, that was part of their formula for success; worked for them didn't it?1  -Dec 4 2004 18:08
46.  Secret League bonuses to players who make national headlines with bad behavior1  -Dec 7 2004 19:19
you can't make the front page with just game stories - great free publicity1  -Dec 4 2004 17:52
47.  League levies stiff penalties if player PASSES drug screening1  -Dec 11 2004 20:35
what kind of example does that set for our youth, no performance enhancing or recreational drugs?1  -Dec 4 2004 17:49
48.  Require steroids and other drugs; higher doses if player is not performing well1  -Dec 8 2004 19:58
1  -Dec 4 2004 17:47
49.  Allow the players, coach, trainers, and other team staff to bet on games1  -Dec 13 2004  8:23
just make them raise their right hand, and solemnly promise not to shave points1  -Dec 4 2004 17:46
50.  Put a whoopie cushion on the chair when a player is benched for poor play1  -Dec 11 2004 20:35
1  -Nov 30 2004 12:07
51.  Refs use a clown's horn w/ squeeze ball on their belt instead of a whistle1  -Nov 30 2004 19:31
add some comic relief to a foul1  -Nov 30 2004 12:05
52.  Giveaway on fan appreciation day - Fly dewrags in team colors! Yo check it,home1  -Dec 2 2004 16:22
1  -Nov 30 2004 12:01
53.  TV/radio ad: Yo whuzzup! Check out da def NBA slammin tray jam at da court yall1  -Dec 7 2004 19:19
1  -Nov 30 2004 11:59
54.  Backboards w/pyrotechnics for every point scored, like baseball has for homers1  -Dec 3 2004 16:44
maybe cause a fire like The Station nightclub, so put disclaimer on back of ticket stubs1  -Nov 27 2004 10:04
55.  Basketballs that flash when they bounce on the ground - adds fun to dribbling1  -Dec 4 2004 17:41
light up in changing neon colors - classy!1  -Nov 27 2004 10:01
56.  Quota system to allow 1 midddle finger to ref before technical, 1in last 2 min.1  -Dec 8 2004 19:58
allow a third one in OT; that sounds fair, doesn't it?1  -Nov 27 2004  9:55
57.  Postseason award - the Kermit Washington trophy for Best Enforcer1  -Nov 30 2004 19:30
1  -Nov 27 2004  9:29
58.  instead of 'team is glad to be home', say 'bangbangers be chillin in they crib'1  -Dec 14 2004 18:49
1  -Nov 27 2004  9:26
59.  Change 'homecourt' to 'crib' in press coverage1  -Dec 10 2004 17:17
1  -Nov 27 2004  9:24
60.  Official baggy team gear from Fubu or Rocawear; footwear by Lugz1  -Jan 17 2005  3:26
1  -Nov 27 2004  9:04
61.  How's this for a team name - the Glock 9's? Allen Iverson can be their leader1  -Dec 2 2004 16:23
1  -Nov 27 2004  9:00
62.  No blood, no foul1  -Nov 29 2004 17:09
1  -Nov 27 2004  8:58
63.  Instead of fines, add bonuses for technical fouls and ejections1  -Dec 13 2004  8:16
1  -Nov 27 2004  8:44
64.  Instead of overtime, put the two toughest players in a cage to settle it1  -Dec 14 2004 18:50
like they do outside city limits1  -Nov 27 2004  8:38
65.  Celebrity players for a fee - Hollywood types like Jack Nicholson would love it1  -Nov 28 2004 16:21
1  -Nov 27 2004  8:28
66.  Play by play and color have to be in street language or ebonics1  -Nov 27 2004  9:39
make sure it's the latest jargon, so no one understands anything1  -Nov 27 2004  8:16
67.  Mandatory team tattoos for NBA rookies - no clear skin allowed here1  -Nov 28 2004 16:21
1  -Nov 27 2004  8:06
68.  Funky team hats designed by 'P Diddy' aka Sean Combs1  -Nov 28 2005 14:23
1  -Nov 27 2004  8:04
69.  Stars can wear full-length fur coats on the sidelines during timeouts1  -Nov 27 2004  9:38
1  -Nov 27 2004  8:02
70.  Street names instead of real names - e.g. Slammaster Cool Z at power forward1  -Dec 3 2004 16:45
1  -Nov 27 2004  7:53
71.  All players have to wear dewrags in the team's colors1  -Nov 28 2004 16:21
1  -Nov 27 2004  7:45
72.  Topless Cheerleaders!1  -Dec 10 2004 17:17
1  -Nov 27 2004  7:42
73.  Rival cheerleaders can taunt each other face to face w/ vulgar raps on live TV 0  --
''they gonna run a train on your skanky fat ass, you ugly bitch ho'' - cool stuff like that 0  -Dec 13 2004 17:50
74.  Let the players (and fans) cuss out sponsors during the game w/ 4-letter words 0  --
''yo, these f*cking Nikes are f*cking sh*t kicks, dog'' - good for network-sponsor relations 0  -Dec 13 2004 17:19
75.  Determine NBA championship based on individual player stats, not team victories 0  --
0  -Dec 13 2004  8:21
76.  Drunken fans selected by lottery to do play-by-play or color commentary 0  --
0  -Dec 7 2004 19:51
77.  Authorize referees to carry mace, stun guns to quell violence, break up fights 0  --
use them as punishment for flagrant fouls and referee backtalk too 0  -Dec 7 2004 19:29
78.  Pay Vince McMahon $1M a year as Creative Director of League Development 0  --
0  -Dec 4 2004 18:11
79.  Fans get to participate in dunking contest if home team loses, vent a little 0  --
like the ones at carnivals where you throw a ball at the target 0  -Nov 30 2004 12:09
80.  Change 'player' to 'homey' or 'gangbanger' in press coverage 0  --
0  -Nov 27 2004  9:23
81.  More dramatic histrionics from the refs when they make a call 0  --
plenty of body English and dancing around, exaggerated facial expressions 0  -Nov 27 2004  8:56
82.  Mike the players so fans can hear the four-letter trash talking going on 0  --
0  -Nov 27 2004  8:45
83.  Hire gang mediators instead of referees for games 0  --
0  -Nov 27 2004  8:41
84.  Require beads on braided hair to be in the team's colors - home and away 0  --
0  -Nov 27 2004  8:32
85.  Take a page from other ''legitimate'' sports like the XFL or Harlem Globetrotter 0  --
the Globertrotters are great fun, but not real competition 0  -Nov 27 2004  8:25
86.  Let Hollywood celebs act as refs in Los Angeles Lakers home games for a fee 0  --
money donated to their favorite charity (NOT players' pension fund) 0  -Nov 27 2004  7:42
 

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