w a n d e r l i s t
wanderlist login create a list user tools about
 

Best One-Liner Jokes

 

Advertise on wanderlist

 

Take my list - Please!

This is humorous joke one liners. Not just lines for movies. There's another list for that.

Created On:Oct 17 2000 20:06 EST
List Volume:59,431 hits 1,793 votes
Voting Limit:5 times in a 24 Hour period
List Owner:Mancha
Category:Humor
Tools:use this list on your site
get items via email
update / delete an item
Link to this list with the following URL:
http://www.wanderlist.com/oneliner
Others who liked this list also liked...
2007-04-05 06:30:56
 
New list item:
URL or additional info:
Check the box if this is of an adult nature:
RatingVoteList ItemScoreYearlyLast Vote
More InfoVotesMonthlyListed
1.   I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.40  19May 2 2008 20:15
- Groucho Marx40  5Jul 29 2007 23:28
2.  My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.25  1Jan 24 2008 14:43
- Rodney Dangerfield25  -Jul 26 2007 16:57
3.  I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.24  4Apr 17 2008 14:47
- Rodney Dangerfield24  -Jul 26 2007 16:53
4.  go ahead make my day20  19May 7 2008 17:37
20  6Feb 20 2005 10:26
5.  I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.19  1Jan 24 2008 14:44
- Rodney Dangerfield19  -Jul 26 2007 16:54
6.  "Everytime you open your mouth, you prove your an idiot!"18  3Jan 30 2008  3:17
24  -Aug 21 2003  8:38
7.  Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?16  -Aug 21 2007 22:16
- Henny Youngman16  -Jul 29 2007 23:24
8.  ''Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?'' The doctor says, ''Limp!''15  -Oct 23 2007 21:33
- Henny Youngman17  -Jul 29 2007 23:17
9.  I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.15  1Apr 17 2008 14:48
- Rodney Dangerfield17  -Jul 26 2007 16:54
10.  It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.13  -3Apr 16 2008 13:12
- Woody Allen19  -Jul 29 2007 23:29
11.  F___ you to, AND The Horse You Rode In On12  -Apr 4 2007 23:19
12  -Apr 9 2004  8:34
12.  I Don't Like You Either. (After vailed insult)10  -Mar 21 2006 13:52
12  -Apr 9 2004  8:36
13.  Lets do the math on this10  -May 22 2004  6:55
10  -Sep 5 2003 23:31
14.  "Excuses are like assholes, Taylor. Everybody's got one."10  -Mar 6 2007 13:13
to Charlie Sheen in "Platoon"18  -Aug 14 2003 13:22
15.  It's all a bunch of tree huggin hippy crap-Eric Cartman9  -Dec 28 2007  2:59
9  -Jul 11 2007  4:32
16.  (response to any insult) Yea, But Your Moma Likes It9  -Jan 13 2006 19:32
11  -Apr 9 2004  8:35
17.  As god is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly. (Arthur Carlson)9  -May 22 2007 16:38
9  -Aug 31 2003  3:57
18.  I see you've Played knifey-spooney before.6  -Nov 18 2004 12:11
8  -Aug 22 2003 13:37
19.  Dan Marino should die of gonnorhea and burn in hell5  -Dec 22 2007  6:42
sweet old woman in Ace Ventura5  -Dec 22 2007  6:42
20.  My wife is an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud.5  -Sep 15 2007 10:52
- Henny Youngman5  -Jul 29 2007 23:21
21.  ''UH HUH''5  5Feb 4 2008 18:15
7  -Jul 8 2005 23:14
22.  You go to hell! You go to hell and you DIE!5  -Nov 23 2007  0:10
7  -Apr 7 2004 14:16
23.  Funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit!4  1Apr 13 2008 14:45
4  -Jul 8 2004 23:02
24.  I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum...And I'm all outta bubblegum.4  2Apr 13 2008 14:45
4  -Jul 8 2004  3:03
25.  You call that a knife, that ain't no knife4  7May 7 2008 17:37
this here's a knife40  7Jun 11 2001  0:56
26.  The future isn't what it used to be.3  -Feb 19 2007  5:07
3  -Oct 30 2006 14:09
27.  ''No woman's slept with me and lived!''3  -Apr 13 2005  9:49
Graham Chapman----in Yellow Beard3  -Apr 13 2005  9:41
28.  Vote Early, Vote Often3  -Jul 5 2007 16:11
WA state democrat motto3  -Mar 29 2005 21:27
29.  If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?2  1Apr 13 2008 14:45
- Steven Wright2  -Jul 27 2007 18:49
30.  I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.2  -Dec 21 2007 12:48
- Rodney Dangerfield2  -Jul 26 2007 16:55
31.  If you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.2  1Jan 25 2008 23:51
2  -Jan 11 2006 15:42
32.  GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH2  1Jan 21 2008 16:34
Patrick Henry2  -Nov 24 2004  5:10
33.  "Hell is the impossibility of reason"2  -Aug 14 2003 13:23
Charlie Sheen in "Platoon"2  -Aug 14 2003 13:21
34.  I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.1  1Jan 25 2008 23:51
- Mae West1  -Jul 29 2007 23:31
35.  I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.1  1Jan 25 2008 23:52
- Steven Wright1  -Jul 27 2007 18:48
36.  I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.1  -Dec 21 2007 12:49
- Rodney Dangerfield1  -Jul 26 2007 16:55
37.  I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.1  -Mar 6 2007 13:09
1  -Jan 11 2006 14:14
38.  Bada-Bing1  -Aug 18 2004 13:39
1  -Apr 7 2004  4:49
39.  "If I tell you that you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?1  -Oct 29 2005 14:43
5  -Nov 24 2003 22:14
40.  "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."1  1Jan 21 2008 16:36
--Clemenza (in "The Godfather")95  -Dec 8 2002 16:23
41.  I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. 0  --
- W.C. Fields 0  -Jul 29 2007 23:32
42.  Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough. 0  --
- Groucho Marx 0  -Jul 29 2007 23:28
43.  I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately, the resemblance doesn't end there. 0  --
- Groucho Marx 0  -Jul 29 2007 23:27
44.  My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him. 0  --
- Henny Youngman 0  -Jul 29 2007 23:22
45.  We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 0  --
- Henny Youngman 0  -Jul 29 2007 23:21
46.  Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. 0  --
- Henny Youngman 0  -Jul 29 2007 23:20
47.  Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to. 0  --
- Henny Youngman 0  -Jul 29 2007 23:20
48.  The more I think of you, the less I think of you. 0  --
- Henny Youngman 0  -Jul 29 2007 23:19
49.  You have a nice personality, but not for a human being. 0  --
- Henny Youngman 0  -Jul 29 2007 23:19
50.  She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match. 0  --
- Henny Youngman 0  -Jul 29 2007 23:19
51.  If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses. 0  --
- Steven Wright 0  -Jul 27 2007 18:52
52.  Droughts are because God didn't pay his water bill. 0  --
- Rod Schmidt 0  -Jul 27 2007 18:51
53.  Smoking cures weight problems... Eventually... 0  --
- Rod Schmidt 0  -Jul 27 2007 18:51
54.  After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in? 0  --
- Steven Wright 0  -Jul 27 2007 18:49
55.  On the other hand... You have different fingers. 0  --
- Steven Wright 0  -Jul 27 2007 18:49
56.  My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. 0  --
- Steven Wright 0  -Jul 27 2007 18:47
57.  When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. 0  --
- Rodney Dangerfield 0  -Jul 26 2007 16:58
58.  When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. 0  --
- Rodney Dangerfield 0  -Jul 26 2007 16:58
59.  My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. 0  --
- Rodney Dangerfield 0  -Jul 26 2007 16:57
60.  If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. 0  --
- Rodney Dangerfield 0  -Jul 26 2007 16:56
61.  I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get. 0  --
- Rodney Dangerfield 0  -Jul 26 2007 16:56
62.  I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot. 0  --
- Rodney Dangerfield 0  -Jul 26 2007 16:55
63.  Don't touch me....I'll seriously kill your face so hardcore 0  --
Bam Margera from 'Haggard' 0  -Jan 16 2007 21:32
64.  I'll be your huckleberry... 0  --
0  -Jul 9 2005 18:28
65.  To the Batcave Robin 0  --
Batman and Robin 0  -May 22 2005 15:21
66.  May the Force be with you 0  -May 3 2007  9:22
STAR WARS6  -May 22 2005 15:19
67.  Disabled people? Oh, they're fun to watch! 0  -May 5 2006 17:54
2  -Jul 8 2004 23:00
68.  Now I know that the Lord saves His chosen one. He will answer him from His...-1  -Jun 9 2006  2:11
psalm 20:63  -Nov 17 2004 15:15
69.  "Excuse me while I whip this out."-9  6Feb 8 2008 16:46
31  -Mar 23 2003 10:13
70.  Did I do that? --Steve Urkel-10  11May 4 2008 19:58
32  6Oct 17 2000 20:06
71.  "Go ahead, make my day!"-11  6May 4 2008 19:58
51  1Oct 25 2000  8:34
72.  The Energizer Bunny was charged with battery.-15  -Nov 28 2003  3:00
31  -Apr 18 2002 16:42
73.  "My sister...My daughter...My sister...My daughter..."-16  -Sep 11 2003 22:09
Faye Dunaway (in "Chinatown")38  -Jan 20 2003 19:54
74.  "You had me at, 'Hello.' "-16  1Jan 25 2008 23:52
--Renee Zellweger in "Jerry Maguire"26  -Jan 20 2003 19:46
75.  "Michael, we're bigger than U.S.Steel!" (The Godfather, Part II)-16  -Nov 18 2004 12:13
54  -Apr 7 2002 17:06
76.  YOU TALKING TO ME?/DENIRO-16  -Aug 7 2006 23:15
98  -Jun 2 2001 20:33
77.  "I'll be back"--Terminator-17  -Feb 20 2005 10:18
29  -Oct 17 2000 20:07
78.  Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country-18  -May 3 2007  9:22
John F Kennedy76  -Mar 10 2002 17:21
79.  "See ya' in church." Tura Satana as "Varla"-19  -Nov 28 2003  3:00
Faster, Pussycat, Kill, Kill!21  -Jul 22 2002 16:03
80.  I never had sex with that woman-19  -May 24 2002 23:44
Miss Lewinsky21  -Jun 11 2001  0:55
81.  HE'S THE BEST TACKLER SINCE JOE MONTANA/CLINT HOWARD"THE WATERBOY"-19  -May 18 2003 15:22
59  -Jun 2 2001 21:19
82.  CHOP HIM UP/DENIRO TO PESCI(GOODFELLAS)-20  -May 24 2003 11:39
52  -Jun 2 2001 20:38
83.  Scooby Doo Where are you?-20  -May 25 2002  0:10
20  -Oct 17 2000 20:08
84.  I know you are in there, I can smell you brains. "Return of the Living Dead"-21  -Feb 2 2003 12:58
21  -Feb 2 2003  3:31
85.  You got to ask yourself, do I feel lucky-21  -Aug 30 2005 15:46
well,do you, PUNK?43  -Jun 11 2001  0:54
86.  Got a postcard with a satellite pic of the world that said Wish you were here-22  -Jul 9 2005 18:27
24  -Feb 7 2003 18:29
87.  "You are a pig from hell!!" (Steel Magnolias)-22  -Jun 13 2002  7:06
34  -Mar 8 2001 19:13
88.  Fourscore and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent, a n-23  -Jun 8 2002 12:18
Abraham Lincoln51  -Mar 10 2002 17:20
89.  "I hate rude behavior in a man. I won't tolerate it."-25  -Nov 27 2003  0:53
Tommy Lee Jones; Lonesome Dove27  -Dec 17 2001 16:34
90.  "You gonna pull those pistols or whistle 'Dixie'?" (The Outlaw Josey Wales)-26  -Aug 30 2005 15:46
58  -Feb 20 2002 18:54
91.  STOP MAKING FUN OF ME/THE WATERBOY-28  -Jun 10 2002 17:44
56  -Jun 2 2001 21:04
92.  Your agent mentioned your name when he was talking to my agent.-28  -Jul 26 2002 23:49
30  -Oct 19 2000 16:02
93.  Others ask 'why?' and I ask 'why not?'-29  -May 5 2002 12:28
Robert F Kennedy47  -Mar 10 2002 17:22
94.  COACH I WOULD LIKE TO TACKLE HIM RIGHT NOW/THE WATERBOY-29  -Nov 15 2003 20:35
67  -Jun 2 2001 21:08
95.  You make me want to be a better man. - Jack Nicholson in "As Good As it Gets"-30  -Jun 9 2005 23:50
44  -Jul 2 2001  3:51
96.  YIPPEE KAIYEY, MOTHA F*CKA - DIE HARD-30  -Feb 17 2005  9:30
42  -Jun 8 2001  4:53
97.  "Bottom line....you ain't holdin that gun, we ain't havin this conversation"-32  -Dec 18 2004 22:11
46  -Oct 25 2000  8:33
98.  say it aint so Joe,say it aint so. Eight men out-33  -Feb 17 2005  9:30
47  -Oct 27 2001 21:32
 

 or browse by category

 
 
© Copyright 1998-2006 wanderlist.com All rights reserved.
Questions? Comments? Bugs? email: webmaster@wanderlist.com		 Suggestion Box 
Privacy & Information Usage Policy